The place where love meets disaster is a
place all too familiar with anyone willing to venture forth, beyond their fears
into something where we open ourselves up to another. The continuity of love is eternal and yet at
times feels dismal. Love unreturned is
not wasted love, but just another step in the process of life. When you hold onto the love within, push
through the grief, and nurture that love, it will be returned. No matter the pain and humiliation, love will
remain. Working through the pain,
alongside the love is the hardest part.
If forgiveness is in your nature then that walk becomes even more
complex. It is in my nature to forgive,
but where these two things merge is a place of confusion. Both emotions are powerful and fluid. You can completely forgive but that doesn’t
mean that you forget. One day you feel
as solid as a mountain, the next day you wake up LITERALLY searching for
her. Walking the house in the middle of
the night to see if she just moved to the couch because you snored! The rain patters on the roof, and the house
is still. You sit on that couch, in the
dark, and you realize in that silence that she is truly gone.
The pain flows through your veins like the
water flowing through the rooftop gutters, down to the street, and off to
someplace else. You have to wipe away
the tears and move through the next day.
In this process that pain washes away so much. If you only take the time to embrace the
process, to realize you are normal and whole in this space, then you can start
to nurture that love you still have inside.
If you can just hang on through the grief, just another day, then the
love that emerges will be greater than any you have experienced. As I sat in that lonely, cold, dark house, I
realized she was gone, but I still felt her there. A realization I keep having to remind myself
of. I also realized that she did not
take my love away. I hold that! I own that!
It’s mine to give and while it may have been given mistakenly, it’s a
replenishing gift that I will hold my heart open to and will not stuff it back
down. I have to recognize that as one
emotion merges with the other, they may become one, but if you pour more love
into the confluence, eventually the pain will give way to that love. Though they come together, in an emotional
eruption at times, you choose which will be the more prominent.
You can stand between these two powerful
forces/emotions and go back and forth in your mind and heart, or you can choose
to let them flow and see them for what they are; just emotions! They too shall pass and whichever you decide
to give priority to will be the one to take you to your future.
Should you dwell in the pain, it will beget pain. See it, feel it, acknowledge it, and let it
pass through you. Don’t deny it. It must come together with the love at some
point. Let the love emulate the pain and
grow into so much more. With an iron
will you can turn your focus to the love which you lost, in a way that will
honor it. Whether it was returned or
not, you have the choice to see your love as genuine and freely given. Focus on the love you expended and see it not
as wasted, but given from your heart and with pure and altruistic intent. You cannot make someone love you, and
sometimes you just have to give into the madness. You cannot fix what is in others. You cannot change their focus, but you can
choose to see these powerful forces and watch them come together as one. You can choose which takes precedence within
your heart. Fill that vessel with
love. Let it flow and let it grow. Love like your life depends on it because in
the end a life filled with love, is the only life worth living.
