Judgement - Part 2

The previous post (on judgement) made me think of another analogy. One which I have been witness to recently. One for which we have all been through and one which we have all been warned about (by those with more experience than us) but continued bumbling on with utter disregard. We have marched along with our blinders on, straight into the chaos that we were warned about. I like to think of it as Experiential Education. Until you "experience" it, you just don't quite get it.
Think about this analogy for a minute. When you meet someone who just sweeps you off your feet. You are blind to the truth and swept away in an avalanche of emotions and hormones. I remember that. It may have been a long time ago, but I remember. Our parents would warn us and tell us to be careful. "It is just lust". "It will wear off in time and then what?" Truth be told, they were usually right. Falling in lust is a lot like being swept away by an avalanche. I haven't been in any big avalanches (real ones) but I have been in a small one. It was enough to get my attention and enough to make this comparison.
Like a new found relationship, crossing a potential avalanche slap can be both exhilarating and downright dangerous. Most people (at least those that want to live) that travel in the back country during the winter get some sort of formal training on avalanche conditions. After that they take things slowly. They build on their skills during an informal apprenticeship. They listen to others, travel with more experienced people, and learn from the stories and mistakes of others. They do their homework. They listen to those more experienced, they watch conditions, they study the history of a given area. It would behoove most people to take a similar progression to handling relationships. You don't just dive headlong into a situation that can take control of you in an instant and have lasting ramifications.
When you travel in avalanche terrain you take things slowly. You listen, look, and feel. You turn on your senses and you never rush. You use your JUDGEMENT to move forward. You take your training and you slowly go forward. You listen to your surroundings, both the physical world and your instincts. They can tell you a lot about what you are going through. You never go in blind and you never go in alone. You pull all of your resources together. You have the tools, the know how (because you have been through this before) and you have people there who are looking out for you. That is one of the most critical aspects: you have friends who are looking out for you, and you listen to them and they listen to you. Should you get caught in a slide, they are there to dig you out as fast as they can.
In a new relationship people don't often approach it with the same awareness that you would an avalanche. I am not sure why. In my opinion, you can get more messed up in a hurried and failed relationship than you can in most dangerous outdoor pursuits. Its said that "love is blind" but it can also be stupid. When you are young and you rush head on into these things, you neglect to see the severity of what you are doing. You don't see the consequences of your actions and you don't see the danger (no matter how slight) you may be putting yourself in. You have people around you who are usually more experienced telling you that you need to slow down, back off, and take a look around you. Acknowledge the danger signs and make decisions based on facts.
We have all had one of these disastrous relationships where we rush right in and then the newness wears off and it feels like the relationship slides right out from under you. Hopefully, at this point, you haven't alienated all of your friends and family. Hopefully they are still there to dig you out of the mess you have gotten yourself into. Like the avalanche, blind lust can leave you reeling. It can leave you damaged in ways that aren't always apparent immediately. The damage can be deeper than the eye can see and can take years to surface. You have to learn to take a step back and slowly build your experiences so that you have the judgement to make such critical decisions. When you refuse to listen, and you get caught in the slide, it is not always JUST YOU who gets hurt. Ignorance is bliss...but it can also lead to unnecessary risks and pain that can take years to heal. Much like an avalanche prone slope, a rushed relationship has all the ingredients for disaster. Knowing how to recognize this is a matter of good judgement. Acquiring that judgement is a matter of time....so take your time.