I have been given SO very much since all of this happened, yet I have so little. I have also been given a gift that I have not shared, a new person in my life through all of this. I have spoken about her and my favorite beverage. Many guesses were thrown out there, and a few knew. I have been utterly destroyed, but there is opportunity to rebuild there. Better than before! Stronger than before! More real than before! I have been given a hand off of my knees, and I am forever grateful for that, but now I need a hand with something else. My journey continues and I have days of pure bliss, and days of pure confusion. I let my heart flow onto the keyboard, and thus into your worlds. I have received numerous emails about my “heart being on my sleeve”. I see the feedback and it lifts me, but there is a secret there. I continually see Peg bashed, trashed, and made to look like the bearer of the entire fault. Let’s look at “fault”:
fault
Show Spelled Pronunciation [fawlt] Show IPA
–noun
1. a defect or imperfection; flaw; failing: a fault in the brakes; a fault in one's character.
2. responsibility for failure or a wrongful act: It is my fault that we have not finished.
3. an error or mistake: a fault in addition.
4. a misdeed or transgression: to confess one's faults.
Now if you are free of this in your life, past or present, then please raise your hand – right now where you are, stop and look around you. What is perfect? What is without fault? Who of you are free from defect? I AM NOT AND I ADMIT IT FREELY. I messed up over the years and I am still trying to figure out how and why. I need her to help me with that but when she looks at this blog, which I had no idea she still did, it hurts her. What hurts her hurts me. You have to understand this and accept it if you call yourself my friend. Her pain is real and unimaginable. I AM her husband until the judge tells me otherwise. I am her friend as long as there is wind in the sky. I am hers in many ways as long as there is blood in my veins. What she feels about “me”? I care not. I care that she has friends and support out there. I care that I am one for whom she can lean on, laugh with, or lay her head on my shoulder and cry if that is what she needs.
I LOVE to write and have been encouraged to do so, but I have also been encouraged to not do so. I have chose option A. To continue to write means that I need the blank canvas before me to be one of FREEDOM. Freedom for my feelings to flow unabashed and judged by none. Now having a blog opens you up to that possibility, but I am asking all of you – my friends, to honor my wish and to look into your own hearts and imagine that someone you hold dear to you was being belittled assaulted. What would you do? Stand there and watch? Maybe you would, but not me. When I say that “she is all that I am”, you truly do not know the gravity of that statement. I am no fool. I realize what happened, but I forgive her. I have never felt a release so gratifying than the one I felt the day I was able to truly look into the sky and smile at the heavens..for I had forgiven! I cannot dictate to any of you, but I can tell you that the power of forgiveness is one of the most powerful that I have ever experienced. I ask that you walk away from this computer screen and you FORGIVE, not just Peg, but I ask that you show one act of forgiveness today to honor what, and who Peg and I are. We are both fighters. We have both suffered enough and we hope to walk forward to a better tomorrow. What does that mean? Who cares right now, but we will need the support of this community and our local community to keep going. I ask that you think long and hard about someone who has wronged you, who has dealt you with transgressions for which you have been unable to release. I need you to think of that person and forgive them right here, right now, and tell them.
Who is it? Your dad who was a “horrible father”? Your brother who was never there to defend you? The person who took something from you? If you truly wish to be free, then you will heed my advice and let it go. Free your soul by doing this one simple act of forgiveness today. So many of you have responded and offered a handful of hope, a handful of love, or a handful of kindness. Today I call in that favor – I ask you to do this one act of forgiveness today. Give that handful of forgiveness to someone for whom you thought it impossible. Once you have done that, I ask that you forgive the one I love. I ask that you forgive me for failing her and I ask that you hold us both up. Your hands are strong I know – and you have held up a man in his darkest hour, now I need you all to hold up the one I hold up. Help me if you love me the way you say you do. I cannot make any of you do anything, but I ask you to do this for me. Any negative comment that comes to your mind and passes to your keyboards, stop it right there. If you show anything on these pages, make it love for a family. For two souls who are hurting and need help. Say something nice and encouraging for once. There have been words uttered along these lines, but how about an entire blog posting with nothing but POSTITIVE feedback for two souls who have shared so much. She is me, and at one time in life, I was her. We were, at one time, two intertwined souls dancing in this world. Now we have fallen and need help. I write what I feel, and I know little of what that will be tomorrow, but I mentioned this person in the second and third sentences of this posting..scroll up.
That person is someone who has brought me joy like none I have ever known. I have spent a little time with her lately. Slowly getting to know her. Enamored in her smile and the simplicity of her movements. I was enraptured in her embrace for a brief time. She made me laugh the other night with her goofiness. We shared a few nights together on a mini vacation of sorts. Cooking dinner together and sharing that (now famous) cup of coffee. Sitting on the couch so close, yet so far. The incredible thing about her and I is that we shared a few evenings together and it was shear effortlessness. I felt guilty for getting to know someone other than my wife, yet her spirit drew me in and wouldn’t let go. Not like a “lusty” thing at all. In fact, it was purely on a level beyond physical. That thought never crossed my mind ( and yes I am still a man), but it was as if God dropped this woman into that brief period in my life ( 4 nights) just to show me what “could be”. I felt a sense of peace that was of a nature I have NEVER FELT. I thought I knew all these feelings in those 15 years, yet here I was experiencing them with a total stranger. I have no idea what she felt, but I can tell you that IF the ease with which we conversed, cooked, drank wine, and sipped our coffee, was any indication – she felt “something” along the lines of what I did. It’s hard to speculate what another human is feeling. That should be obvious after all this, but an easiness and tenderness, and respect that was present in that house that night, is not easily mistaken. It was there. When I awoke and looked over at her shoes that morning (after sleeping on the couch as she slept upstairs) I was astounded that it was not all a dream and that I had not scared her off. It is hard to explain to those around me who try “introducing me to the next Mrs. Meyer” that those things are not only hurtful to me, but something I will likely never do again. I am 36 years old and loved so deeply that I believe my soul drown in the deepness of that love. It will take years to revive. Yet I can also tell you that the “mystery girl” blew a small amount of life into a soul fallen from grace. It wasn’t like it sounds either! This hot lusty, passionate connection. It was a connection like one I have never experienced. It was real and peaceful. Unassuming and kind. Every moment of those 4 nights was a true gift. I would like to introduce her to all of you. She is amazing and has a kind and gentle heart. Soon!
All the while, I could only think of the girl I wrote about above. The pain she was feeling and “how could I take it from her. I’d still take every ounce of pain in her heart and soul. Physical or emotional, I’d gladly reach into her heart and take it for myself. You see, there was a time when she’d do the same for me. That is real and that doesn’t just go away for me. I knew NO love before her. I had never heard those three words before her. She taught me to laugh, love, dance, be free, and most of all to forgive. Now I need to rally my troops to do the same for her. She is half of the equation – half of me. We are both responsible for this mess.. fifty, fifty. She is the peas to my carrots and the light in my darkness. You are all light that has illuminated my soul, and now I need to direct some of that light elsewhere. If you are unable, I understand, I just ask you to email your comments instead of putting them where she can see them. I ask that you find a way to do that one act of forgiveness in our honor. To honor what we had and to honor who we are. I ask you to forgive her. As was said on a previous comment from the last post – To love me, is to love her.
To the ever expanding world out there who finds solace, laughter, enlightenment, and humor in this blog. You are a part of this world and I’d like you to meet the mystery girl. The girl who sparked a small fire in my heart. The woman who’s gentle spirit touched my heart ( if only momentarily) like a warm summers breeze. I’d like you to know her, and about her, and not hide behind that fact that too many it will seem inappropriate or “out of the ordinary”. It is what it is. She is who she is….and her name is Peg Meyer, and I ask you to forgive the person she was. I ask you to offer her a hand full of forgiveness.
70 comments:
I wanted to add something - THIS IN NO WAY means we are "getting back together". It means we are both showing compassion and we both had a very small opportunity to see who the other is becoming. Our walk will be along one regardless of where it goes. I just wanted everyone to know what is in my heart and that is compassion and forgiveness. Find it within yourselves and watch the change happen.
I also don't want to see the negative BS on here. It hurts us all and to walk forward, WE need support. You can say what you will, but please keep the bad stuff in my personal inbox.
Holy CRAP Jim. How do you do it. I mean come on, no one thinks the next post will be better, but here you go again. We DO LOVE YOU and I can say that I love your wife for helping make you into this person. If she has ANY of the qualities that you do, then you two will make a fantastic team in whatever form you choose. I laughed out loud when I found out who the mystery girl was. I was hoping so but didn't want to have false hope. Miracles are all around us Meyer's. Take the walk slowly and together.
Jan
PS - I choose to forgive my sister and I guess tonight I'll call her. After I stop the tears from this post. Thank you Jim!
OMG ! I have been struggling to forgive someone near and dear to me over the last few months. I found your blog and promptly forgot about it. Now you bring it right back, but only after giving me so much joy, sadness, and hope in reading over the last few months. I am a MAN by the way, and I couldn’t stop crying when I read this. How do people like you get to where you are? I don’t know Peg, but I too love her all of a sudden. You really drove home how she “is you”. It makes me feel like there is hope under every rock. I hope you both cherish the coffee when you can have it together. That was one of the most moving pieces I have ever read, until this one popped into my inbox. Jan, you are so right on your comments. I am emailing this to the one I want to forgive. I want her to know why I emailed her out of the blue to forgive her. Maybe she can forgive me and pay it forward. Amazing Jim. You and Peg are loved by many. You took the loved poured out onto you and gave it to someone else in the most selfless way possible. I want to be like you my friend. You drive me to be better.
Mikayla – I forgive you and I love you. I miss talking to you and hope we can show a little grace like these two. Besides, we can’t even begin to compare our tribulations to these two. If they can at least be kind to one another, why not us?
Good job Jim. I commend you for forgiving. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but it is also the most rewarding at the same time. Your soul can be at peace when you forgive.
Bless you, Peg, and the kids!
OH F*&% man. I can't even read that again. I am a big bad fighting dude too and I almost cried. Okay I did. I forgive all those who have punched me in the face, and my dad. Peg you be strong and you both slow down and see who that person is on the other side of the cup.
Joe
Peg and Jim,
Fight on in peace. Don't turn your backs on one another. Continue to walk side by side. You do not have to be anything but "there" for each other. My hand is raised for the "faults" of my life. Well written and another great posting. Peg I love you for those two kids you two raised and for giving this man the spirit of life. You are forgiven by a man who has touched us all. You pay it forward too and forgive someone else. We all love the Meyer klan.
Jim-
I love you and your family so much, you have no idea how you have impacted my life. If I know anything about you, I know you love your friends and family PASSIONATELY. I am blown away by your honesty and your willingnes to discuss your human trials openly. Too many people try to hide their problems when they should be reaching out and opening up to friends an community. Trust in God. I love you, and miss you dearly.
Oh good God. You touch souls Meyer. All the best to both of you. You two are amazing and it sounds like you are becoming even more so. I forgive you Jim!
someone do something about this. Someone contact Letterman! This is amazing to see. I see a movie. Makes me think of the Notebook. I love you both. I know people say he needs to publish, but it is truly insane how much this stuff moves people. Jim you have made a miraculous change. Peg, you are part of that equation. Walk tall girl, but don't turn your back on this guy.
I forgive you mom! Do I have to call her too? :-)
I don't even know what to say. Let me stop crying. You two have an amazing story to share someday. Just get through it.
"It was a connection like one I have never experienced. It was real and peaceful. Unassuming and kind."
It's something married people take for granted every day. Nothing can duplicate the experiences you've had together....good and bad. Deep in your souls, you "know" each other like no other knows you. Even when you are feeling lost on the surface of your marriage, deep down, your souls recognize each other and you feel comfort in each other's presence.
The two of you will come through these trials very different people than you were before. Many of us are hoping and praying your marriage succeeds in ways the two of you never dreamed possible. Be open to how God is molding you into the people he wants you to be. :)
Jim,
Knowing you and peg for 15 years, standing up as your best man at your wedding and having the honor of being asked to be your only sons Godfather( Although it was never official and maybe there is a new one). I can say one thing that comes directly from my heart and cannot be held in any longer.
You are a fool, as much as you want or Think you need to be there for Peg, you do not. You have found the error of your ways and have set a course to correct them. Peg now needs to find her way on her own and this cannot be done with your shoulder there to lean on. I do understand you will always have a connection with her and there will always been the years spent together. There comes a time in every persons adult life and in some cases their teens (Myself) that something happens and the only way out, around or through it, is to look at yourself through others eyes to find what or who you have become. This blog has served a a portal for Peg over the past few days and maybe the words that were left will help her reflect on what has been done and inspire her to become a better person, or back to the person she has become. Do not get upset at all of your friends and loved ones for defending you and lashing out at the one that has hurt you.
Mickey C
There's always one who has to ruin it......
Sorry Jim! :(
MK,
Would you referring to my post above?
If you really need to read it again and think
If you are not then, I suck!
Mickey C
Mickey,
Just wanted the comments to "stay positive" as Jim requested. All he asked for today...and I quote, "I ask you to offer her a hand full of forgiveness". For his sake, let's all try to do this for him.
He's trying the very best he knows how and doing a very fine job of it in my opinion. Better than I could do!
Peace,
MK
MK,
There is nothing but "positive" overflowing from my muffin top of a post.
Sorry if you cannot see that, thankfully Jimmy did.
Mickey C
When you can find it in your heart to forgive the person who broke it, that is evidence of the goodness of your own soul. I just hope she knows the gift you have given her and how blessed she is to have you. It is a difficult thing to forgive such a transgression, but like you mentioned and everyone knows (or ought to know), nobody is perfect. Who knows? This might be a step that was meant to be on your journey together, but this time will also be difficult to forget. Best of luck to both of you.
You knew that I knew who Blue Eyed Angel was, didn't you? :) You know, it's a necessary thing to have life throw you into the something that makes every single bit of your soul cry out in such tremendous pain that you are sure it is impossible to recover. Just when you think you've felt as much as you can take, God wrings you out just a little bit more. It's when you're empty and hollow that you're soul refills again, like sunlight in a deep green forest at dawn. Just a small bit at time, a ray here and there. You look at things with a fresh set of perspective, and you're right. Forgiving feels like that. I know I speak for a lot of people here when I say you, Peg, and the kids have lots of love & hope for the best for all of you riding the currents to Durango from all corners of the country...
Jim,
You will be a better person for it.
Roy
i randomly talked to a guest today at the dealership, a guy in his 60s??? truck driv er. within minutes of meeting him, he started telling me that he has been with his wife for 44 years.. with such pride. he then went on to tell me how bad he was and how much he cheated on her back in the day, and that his wife and now 44 yr old daughter even caught him in the act (when she was 12)... ewww. He then went on to tell me how much he appreciates his wife for standing by him thru all of that BS, and for still being there...
I often see old couples walking hand in hand and think about how much crap and compromise they had to weed thru before they made it to that content silent stroll. And it makes me cry.. thinking should I have tried harder? Should I have overlooked that? etc etc.It seems so worth it... but everyone has their own journey... and maybe they just met 5 years ago after being widowed... this I don't know. But I will admit, I am always so inspired by the cohesiveness of an older couple that finishes each others sentences and truly is each other's better half!
Only GOD knows our journey, and we gotta trust and believe it's gonna be better than we ever could imagine. Doesn't mean we'll all be rollin Bentleys... Jesus was homeless. I like that you are paying attention to the little things, JIM. The smell of coffee. (try the brazilian Impanema bourbon beans at Starbucks... nasty... in a good way - lmtd edtion so don't sit on that recommendation).
I knew it was Peg, btw! You started to throw me off,so then when you confessed her name, I was relieved. Whatever your journey, I think you are on the right track. Thanks for taking us along. mg
Jim,
I am trying hard to not lash out and bash your wife, but she is a quitter. You don't go this far and just walk off or make excuses that it has been building. You work through it, if someone walks out on this after you are willing to change and become THIS person you are now, then they will walk again, and again. Do I feel sorry for her hell and misery? Nope. You gotta lie in the bed you make. Too much for her to get any of my sympathy and I can't wait for the day I see her on Main St. She needs to hear what people think of her. It happens all the time here in DGO, people do this and it NEVER GOES AWAY in this town. She will be "that" person to all that know her. I hope that isn't seen as bashing, it is reality. Her little group of friends probably all talk about this when she isn't around. We see this all the time in this town, the person who does this just ends up the outsider and shunned. No one is mean, you just see that person for who they are and what they've done. This town is about love and happiness and she has taken that from three, if not the other family. She will likely move and you need to be prepared for that. She can hide back home in big ol' Texas. There just isn't room for that in this town. Sure it happens, but we are different kind of people here and you both know that. Don't let anyone get onto you for sharing. You have helped so many of us.
I forgive you for being so incredible when you should be a jerk. I forgive the pain you are going through and will continue to go through so you can make sure your family is safe and good.
Sorry Jim, there are those of us who know ( or knew in her case) and you can't expect educated adults to not see it for what it is. And I'll stay anonymous on this one - I HAVE heard her "side" and story and it is absurd. As you like to say "the devil never sleeps". You are a bright star in the sky and you ARE what Durango is about. The last poster is RIGHT ON. This town is very forgiving when there is reason to, not in this case. Both the MR and I love your writing. Keep it up. You are turning into a bit of a legend in this town and you should be writing for all to see. We hope to see you soon.
You are a force to be reckoned with. You have taken a HORRIBLE situation and turned it into something somewhat positive. Keep moving forward with your kids in mind. I feel for her but only because of the family she is losing and destroying for the sake of her own glory and satisfaction. Unfortunately those kids will suffer for years to come but they have rock in you and you are showing them what is good in this world. Fight for them Jim. Not sure what the plan is, but those kids need to be with you.
I forgive my father. It is almost father’s day and I have wanted to say that for years. Your spirit is astounding Jim. I want to show a little of that to my dad and be the better man.
J. Sandoval
Wow Jim! Great post! After reading all the responses I don't know what to think. Everyone makes great points and leaves me with conflicting feelings. You know how I feel about it and I totally understand where you are coming from. From my experience I know it is a situation that two people can come out of with more respect, love and trust than before. On the other hand, I don't know Peg or her side. I do think if she has made it clear there is no future and is making no effort then it is unhealthy to hold on. It takes 2 to fix it just like it took 2 to break it down. Granted, things have happened and there are consequences for those actions but they are not unforgivable.
So, that being said, ultimately it is up to you how you handle it and friends should support your decision. I think it is natural to want to defend you but if your friends love you then they need to love your WHOLE family and support that. You can't be expected to just want to give up on what you have built. If she has chosen not to try as well then I do think she should have to handle this on her own and not rely on you for support. This was what she wanted, not you. I hope that makes sense. I feel like I contradict what I am trying to say. Basically I feel a marriage is worth fighting for, regardless, but you can't do it alone.
Keep writing!
SM
Jimmy once broke his arm (1988-89?) Skim Boarding at Trails in San O and his brother made him stay at the beach, over 1.5 hours from our house, for an entire day with that broken arm. Until Paul was ready to go home. That, I think has something to do with his personality today.
Mickey C
OMG !!! That SUCKED!
Jim and Peg,
I'm sorry things have to change the way they are, but I am happy that you both are finding some comfort. I've been through a VERY similar situation. My ex-wife and I had our issues over the years. She eventually left one day when I was at work... Hardest day of my life! For all intents and purposes, we are friends now. I've forgiven her misdeeds as she has mine. AND we NEVER bad mouth each other because we have a son together and he needs to see that everything IS okay and that we do love him more than anything.
Keep your head up, be strong for the kids and you'll find that that will also help you. It did me.
Jeff H.
Jimmy Jack,
Here comes the bombshell of the day. I AM one of Peg’s friends. Quite of few of us have followed your blog and YES we have gossiped and talked about it. I have to tell you that we have known Peg since you guys have been here and we have listened to all of her complaints as the years went by. Yes we stuck up for her and yes we believed every word, but we also grew weary of the complaining and bickering. Nothing is/was ever right. That goes beyond you. We all got to know you a little and we all were left scratching our heads and thinking “this isn’t the guy she describes”. You are a beautiful man inside and out. When the complaining would stop, many would go behind closed doors and scratch our heads and wonder how any one person could see EVERYTHING in her world so negatively. We all still talk and feel for you guys but especially for Kai and Kealey. Jim, we saw who you were before all of this. Imperfect but a genuine soul who we all wished we could have. You know you are dealing with a sickness that goes beyond guilt and forgiveness. It is real and ever present. Don’t get me wrong, I AM her friend but I am also not stupid. I actually know one of your church friends and to hear him talk about you ( which he does often) it is absolutely amazing who you have become. I do want you to stop saying how imperfect you are/were. We all are, but you were a pretty amazing guy before this. I will leave this anonymous for the obvious reasons. Just know that we don’t take sides, but we also see as clearly as most. There are people out there who can’t see the forest through the trees Jim. We all are saddened by the craziness in this and no matter what is said, we pray for you guys to be a family again. You inspired us then , as a family, and you inspire us now as a saint.
Jim,
HAS SHE EVER just sat and told you how sorry she was? That is part of being FORGIVEN. I bet not. Don't lose this person that you are now, but don't give up anymore either.
We all love your spirit and your family, even Peg. That being said-Jim she is only your family in the meekest of senses. We all pray for the best as a family Jim, but we also have to be able to focus our energy on what is right. We all see with our own eyes. We will all pray for her and respect her, but know that there are limits.
Who the freak is this Mick guy? He is funny Jim. He and MK just need to get along. Nothing but love out here. He sounds like a true friend Jim. Like someone who knows you like only a brother would. Is he the one you are going surfing with in August?
What great writing. So much so that I submitted a little email to the Durango Telegraph and the Durango Herald. Not that they would publish your personal story, but you could do an opinion's piece or article. You should You could alter much of the private stuff and put something in their papers that would do well. Since you won't go after the publishing, maybe we can all do if for you. Maybe all your friends should write these editors and demand the Meyer! Great stuff Jim and a heart of a warrior. I hope Peg looks long and hard at all the years and can find the good stuff through all the haze. If not, oh well, Durango welcomes you and will hold you close.
Steve
And just so you don't think I got crazy or too personal, here is what I sent one of the papers. Same to the other:
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com:
Hey guys - been in this town my whole life and was recently turned onto a blog that a local guy keeps. Just a great writer and interesting story about change and transformation. You guys should look at this guy. He is developing quite a following locally and otherwise. Hope you will look into it, it'd be great reading in your paper.
Steve
www.lifeuphigh.blogspot.com
Yo- it is obvious that she doesn't give two cents about you. What a work of art she is Jim. What a masterpiece you are. I am emailing those papers too! Your gift needs to be shared.
After all of this and all you face, you still love, cherish, and respect her. WOW. When you are ready, I'll be your girl. Where is the take number thing? Love her Jim. Take care of her as you would have her do to you and you can't go wrong.
J
Hey Jim!! You are such an inspiration. The act of forgiving is an amazing thing. It is a real gift for all involved. I am impressed with your strength and honesty. I wish you and your family the best. Just be careful, your friend Micky is right about people having to figure things out for themselves. I know you will never turn your back on someone you care about. Just remember to look after yourself and your children first. Peace
Another of "her" friends. Be strong. She is not who she used to be and my never be, but you are doing great things and I respect you so much. We are here for you as well as her. We know you won't lean on us, but you and the kids are in our thoughts.
PS - I don't mean "not who she used to be" in a good way. I am sorry Jim. I don't know what happened to her inside. She needs help and we all see it.
Jim,
You can't fix her and yes she does have to do it on her own and realize things on her own, but you can be there for her like a rock! Love conquers all, whether that is back together or you just being that good man that those kids can look up to. Your heart is on your sleeve. You love this woman and there is good in her. You see it and you can help bring that back out for her. You CAN help her. I know you aren't trying to "fix" her but you are just as you always were - solid and unable to walk away from something you love. You stick to it Jim. This post rocked my world. It has made me sit and think about all that I have not forgiven. I know she is in a world of hurt and the carnage is all around her, but you love her Jim. You pour your love out on her and when you are damn well ready, you can walk away with a smile.
Jan
And what does that new tattoo mean? Live it Meyer. Hope for the ability to keep being this person that you have become and who cares if you end up with her? There are so many of us out here who would take the bad and good Jim. God has a plan for you.
Jim Jim Jim you have always been surrounded by beautiful woman who adore you. ALWAYS ! Get on with it boyfriend. I won't forgive you if you don't pull those blinders off.
Be your self and you will find, who minds doesn't matter and who matters won't mind.
Dude all the hot women always end up in your presence when we are out and you just blow them off because "you are married". Dumb ass. I know you love her Jim and you are twice the man than me or anyone else. I respect you and love you and I'll love her until you tell me to stop.
J
I don't think that way homie. An you know this! And my BLINDERS are self imposed because I AM MARRIED people.
How long do you plan to continue to stay married? ;) lol just kidding jimmy...You just made my expectations of a husbond go thru the roof tho...I'm never gonna get married now.lol.... i hear its over rated anyway.
I am guilty and I am sorry!!! I am sorry for not sharing what my husband and I just recently have gone through. Jim, I kind of walked in your wife's shoes. I started going through changes in my life and did a lot of thinking about my life. I wasn't happy with my marriage to Kelly. Our relationship grew stagnant. No intimate relationship for a long time. Our only communication was about work, bills, and the kids. I was growing bored and feeling like there was someone out there who could fill the void in my life. I started to talk to this guy and he was telling me things that I wanted my husband to tell me. I became emotionally attached to this guy and was ready to throw in the towel with my husband.
I needed to have it out with my husband. We sat in our garage one night and talked. We both admitted that we were not in love with one another. I asked him,"where do we go from here?" He said something that just about shocked me. He said, "Leiben, I don't love you...... but I want to fall in love with you again. I want you as my wife always. There is no one out there that I want to be with." At that point, I realized I was about to throw away the only person in my life that I needed. I was about to throw away my soul mate, my best friend, my lover, the father of our beautiful children. I just needed to get him to know him again. I admit that none of this is really his fault. I was the one who got preoccupied with taking care of the kids, putting in a lot of hours at work and hanging out with my girlfriends on my days off. I was the one who put him on the backburner. All he ever did was work, help around the house, pay the bills and help raise our children. The only reason why I avoided him was because he did focus too much on bills and debts and that was all the ever came out of his mouth. He was bumming me out and so I would run away. I just wanted him to lighten up. I understood that our budget was stretched pretty thin and that we had to cut back on the extra activities we enjoyed. He dwelled on it day after day and it was driving me crazy. I just couldn't be around him anymore.
I told him all of that during our conversation and understood. I also told him about the guy I was talking to and I knew I hurt him when I saw the look in his eyes. He forgave me right then and there. We hugged each other for the first time in a very long time.
Kelly and I are continuing to work hard at our relationship with one another. We find the time to be alone and talk and are getting to know each other again. We also realize how devastated our 9 year old daughter and 6 year old son would be if their mommy and daddy were not together anymore. GOD blessed us with our beautiful children and we as a couple are held responsible for raising them together. GOD hates divorce!!!! I don't want to disappoint GOD.
If anyone else out there reads this and is going through what I went through and thinking about ending your marriage, I beg you not to do it. There is nothing greener on the other side. Devastation is inevitable. Nobody wins.
Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you. I apologize if I offended anyone out there.
And my BLINDERS are self imposed because I AM MARRIED people.
Well said Jim! And to all the people who say nasty things and post anonymously.....grow a pair. Put your name to it if you are so brave!
Loved your honesty Leiben!
Michelle K. !!!
From Jim's Mom. For those who have unconditionally supported Jim through these very difficult times I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Support is what Jim AND Peg and the kids need right now. Not one of us are perfect and Peg and Jim have both admitted to us that they share the fault for this mess. It takes two to make a marriage, and two to break it. As can be expected in a situation of this nature, things have been said and done, or not done, that probably should have been handled differently. But those issues are past and between them and are no one elses business. All we can do is try to help and support them all. For those of you who have posted hateful remarks about Peg, or have verbally "trashed" either of them, please stop. You are accomplishing nothing, only adding to the problem. What ever happened to the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, then say nothing at all." Jim has forgiven Peg for her wrong doings and I hope that Peg can do the same for Jim and that they, with the help of all of us, can straighten things out and become a loving family again. Jim's Dad and I have also forgiven Peg (I know you read Jim's BLOG Peg)and I sincerely hope that you can find it within yourself to forgive Jim for his faults in the past. We still and always will love Peg and tell her so every time we have the opportunity to speak with her. You just can't have a person in your life for 15 years and just stop giving a damn about that person. She is still and always will be the mother of our grandchildren and I must say that she has been a very good mother despite an occasional mis-step. Like I stated earlier though, none of us are perfect. Many of us, like Jim and Peg, others who have posted, and yes, Jim's Dad and I included have been through issues like this, and we have, and they can get past it and come out stronger than before. It takes a lot of effort and honesty (hang it all out there) but it can be worked out. We have seen so many cases like this in our long life time together (40 years this Sept 6th) but with support of family and good friends, there is strong hope. Jim AND Peg AND Kai AND Kealey, your Dad and I love all of you so very much. Just know that we will be here for you through thick and thin. All I ask is that you both be true to yourselves and stay strong for those kids. When you get down and think that you cannot make it another day, just look into Kai and Kealey's eyes and realize that they are why you have to pull yourselves together "FOR YOUR FUTURE AND THEIRS, FOR THEY ARE YOUR FUTURE." Our love for you all is unconditional, THE ONLY KIND OF LOVE.
To Jim’s parents,
On behalf of a grateful group of friends ( which grows daily ), and a grateful community; thank you for giving life to this man. He has touched so many during this time but I have to tell you that he always has. We have known Jim for a long time and have always seen the amazing person he is. He married young and to someone for who did not share the joy of life that he has. This suppressed so much in him and we’d see it come out from time to time, but it is here to stay now. I want you two to know what an amazing man he is and how when he walks out of a room the air is lighter and the mood more relaxed. Jim just pours out his love on all around him. I also want to say that this HAS ALWAYS BEEN JIM, but that through the ABSOLUTE HELL he was just put through, he has found a way to do it more and more and to literally walk a path of love, hope, faith, and kindness. It is absolutely amazing to see what this man has gone through and how he has handled it. What he has become is just what was inside and creeped out every now and then, now it is how he walks every single day. We see Jim in town when he is out and about and it is amazing to see him walk into a bar, restaurant, or just down the street. Jim is just so approachable and kind to everyone. To use the word “gentleman” would almost seem not enough. Kindness just follows this man. He was in a bar a week or so ago, hanging out with friends , and it was so incredible to see how he interacts with people and how people are just drawn to him. One thing that I, personally, will never forget is this guy in the bar who was a real character. A total loner. People would just look over at the guy and you could see people making comments and staring at him. I looked up at one point and there was your son sitting there talking to the guy. Smiles on both faces. The guy had Jim’s total attention and they were laughing and talking and you could just see the shine in this guy’s eyes. It was just unreal. Here was this guy that people shunned and your son just walked up and poured some of that kindness out on the guy. The guy hugged him when he walked off. I will not forget that. You guys are in for a treat when you see Jim again. He looks different and he walks with a bounce in his step. He just has such an effect on those around him.
contd:
Now about him and his forgiveness. I want you guys to know that this is something that has the whole community talking. Not just on his blog, but I find myself talking to my friends about it and what he said. I do want you to know that Jim truly forgives Peg, and Jason, but I believe he has made a great transition over the last few days. He has had some pretty incredible conversations with us and some others, and I believe that Jim is realizing that he DOES forgive, but he doesn’t have to be there for her, or even “like” her to have this forgiveness. I think that many have forgiven her through his example and I want you to know that had it not been for him asking us to, no one would have. What happened is INSANE and probably the most hurtful and inhumane thing I have ever seen. While your son has picked himself up and become even better than before, he is faced with constant coldness from someone that no one knows. You guys ( and anyone else) can use the old cliché’ of “it’s 50/50”. Jim didn’t quit. Jim has always been willing to change for Peg and try so hard to be a better man for her. She is not who she was and her shallowness and coldness is evident to all around. Even to her own friends. Jim has tried to reconnect with her, but it has finally worn him out. Jim needs the support – not her. Jim deserves it and gives back to all around him every single day. She deserves whatever it is that she is dealt in this life. She truly ruined an amazing man and a part of him will forever be gone and hurt. So please don’t expect people to do anymore than a basic, fundamental form of forgiveness. People do it for Jim. This is a tiny community and things like this don’t go away. We were all climbing and talking about all this ( while Jim was setting up) and we are continually amazed at your son and we all know that he is a great catch and will find shear happiness again. He just needed to know that it was okay to let go of the catch of his life. He can’t be expected to try and get to know her again, to reconnect, and to be faced with that bitter cold every time. He needed to give himself permission to turn and walk away and see the amazing world that awaits him. I think he is there. We all do. He has a community of support around him and the nice thing is that it isn’t just because of this horrible experience, but because so many people just love being around him. He touches people, like the loner in the bar. He reaches out to people and they to him. He needs you guys and his family, but he also needs to know that he didn’t do this. WE KNOW Jim and had seen him in his home life before all of this and he is not, and was not a bad man. He is a man whose faults were over glorified and constantly brought up. Peg has no excuses Meyer’s. What she did was tantamount to the worst possible thing you could do to a human. She killed a lot of Jim’s spirit and hope, but he is a fighter ( obviously) and is bringing back his spirit and it is more evident every day. She and this guy destroyed one family and the lives of two innocent little children, and possibly an entire family that is still trying to get through this.
contd:
Now about the parenting thing. Jim has NEVER gotten credit for who those kids have become. I have to tell the two of you that prior to this; Jim was bashed as a dad when he wasn’t even there to defend himself. To me personally at times. Those kids are who they are in large part because of the example that Jim is. Jim may not have been the best cook, the best at homework, or whatever else he has been humiliated with from her perspective. I can tell you that those kids have experienced, love, kindness, adventure, AND A LOVE FOR LIFE, that they got FROM THEIR DAD. He has been “the rock” for them and is now for Kai in ways you wouldn’t believe. Those kids have always been two of the greatest, softest, kindest kids on the earth and anyone that can’t see that they got that from their daddy is absolutely crazy. I know Peg had good qualities too but the issues that she has ( and has always had) will always chip away at the peace they are. The funny thing is that we have met her family on many occasions and they are all like that. Not much peace, love, and just genuine relaxed happiness there. They are all high strung and have a fixed sense of what life is supposed to be like. So that being said, Jim is a rock star for how he is handling this for his kids. NO ONE SHOULD DOUBT THAT ONE BIT. This is affecting those kids in a huge way. We have seen them lately and they ARE NOT the same kids they were months ago. Jim’s time with them is less than he wants but he constantly worries about them and when they are with him, he does his thing. He pours out the kindness and love, and those kids adore him and worship the man that he is. Kai is certainly the most vulnerable and to see him with his dad, you can just sense the connection he has with him. His dad doesn’t sit there and just tell him it is going to be okay, he goes out there and shows him. He shows Kai that life is still full of adventure and good. Kealey seems to be more and more drawn to him as well. It isn’t surprising that they see their dad for whom and what he is. What we all see. They want what he offers, just like the rest of us. Their worlds are forever changed by what she did as well and it is BS that people just brush that under the carpet. Jim is left with his bleeding heart in his hand. He is the angel who has tried to hold her up and she has spat in his face again and again. Do you think that Jim’s phone ever rings with a simple “how are you”? Do you think he ever feels ANY love from her? Has she been there for him? NO NO NO. But he still walks through this journey with grace and humility. He didn’t do this to these kids and they are constantly a worry for him. It is the final hurdle he will have to get over to get through this. How can he make sure they are okay. I don’t think that he will have a problem convincing any judge that he is as fit father known to man. He will have a line at the court house if that is what he needs. Please know that your son is well taken care of here. We love him, and always have. Just know that it is not fair for ANYONE to blame Jim. He didn’t’ walk out. He wasn’t given a chance to “talk” to her. Read Lieben’s comment above. Great stuff. He didn’t do what she did. He is left to pick up the pieces. We all forgive her because he asks us to, but we will not support her. We will support Jim and those kids. You two have a wonderful son who touches people’s lives. These two kids have a model of greatness before them. One last thing – our love for Jim is just like the love he gives – UNCONDITIONAL. Thanks Meyer’s you have created greatness.
Previous post: well said. Don't worry parents, Jim is going to be just fine as will his kids. Don't expect yourselves or anyone to accept what she did and continues to do. She walked out on a family.
Very nicely put. Jim is who needs support. Jim - you rock. When you are through this you are going to be met by the same greatness you put out. You will also find a woman that appreciates all that you are and can see past all those little things where you may fall short.
J
To Jim's parents,
Don't worry about Jim. He is a real man and a stand up guy. What is done is done and we cannot change that. Peg did the unthinkable and Jim did the same by pulling through the way he has and being the man that he has. Helping her is beyond any of us. It'll be a long miserable life for her when she cannot even show remorse but your son will reach many more summits. You made a good person and we all thank you.
Dad, Mom, and Friends,
Thanks for all the feedback and comments. Thanks for being there when I didn’t even know where there was. Don’t worry dad, my endurance will keep on. The other night was just one of “those” nights. I am sure I will have many more but I am lifted back up right away. To the BIG LONG poster after my mom’s…thanks. You have MANY valid points. I have reached a turning point and I am processing that now. I feel good, feel great, and can’t wait for what lies ahead. Don’t worry about me “guiding” you up a mountain dad. I will be right there with you every step of the way, as you have for me. The summit we reach will be the most memorable of my life. I have many summits to put my boot prints on, many trails, and many faces to scale. I’ll be here a while !!!
Love you all,
Jim
Jim,
Your will and power to forgive is amazing. Now take that energy and give it to someone who deserves it.
Jan
Hey Jim,
Your writing is beautiful. I am shocked. I had no idea you wrote so well. Not sure what happened but while talking to some people, I think I have figured it out. I know you forgive her, and that is great, you can’t keep pouring yourself into her. You will run out of what you need to take care of you. Your dad is right. Just let her go and be what she has become. It won’t change Jim. I went through this with someone as upstanding and decent as Peg, and he was never the same. He lives a total life of hell now. Chasing the elusive happiness that he thought he had. Those two will NEVER work. Statistically they were doomed the day they went to far. Just have peace that you are so loved and appreciated. I really enjoy your presence when we climb and hang out. Your soul is uplifting and you are always making people smile, even when your heart is broken. Love those kids and fight for them Jim. Don’t let them be dragged down. Let your love for her go completely and give it to those kids. I know you are a decent guy and you are always saying how you would never take those kids away from her nor her you. That is the limit of what you need to feel for her. Just protect them from the years of heartache and pain they face. Keep taking them outside. Just remember your shirt: “Go Outside”. That is your therapy and you are a completely different person when you are in your element. I see that person emerging even when you are in town and in the “big city” of Durango. You are an astonishing person and one who will endure this and come out the better man. I have read all of your postings and it is like reading an amazing novel. We shall see you soon and just know that I have you “on bely” ( as you say) anytime. I am always here for you and don’t sweat the details. The day you sign those papers, you will truly be free to give yourself to all these people who enjoy your company and appreciate their time on this earth with you.
LD
I am also amazed at your choices during this time. I will never, as long as I live, forget seeing a human being in the pain you were (and probably still are) in. How one human being can love another so much? I only hope to find a love like that someday. Then to have all of this happen! Wow. Your pain seems to be easing but as I said, I won’t forget seeing a person so hurt the way you were. You looked liked the walking dead there for a while. Looks from your Facebook that you are getting out climbing more. You seem to be moving forward, or should I say up. We need to have dinner more often and hang out more often. Maybe when you are through all of this we can have a “real” date. You take care and know that I am only a mile away, or a phone call. I hope she wakes up one day Jim, and comes back as a new person and appreciates the new person you are. If she doesn’t then let’s talk about that date before all these vultures snatch you up.
Chuck & Donna
Whats Up!!!!!
Mickey
Well Jim I'm glad it's out in the open. Time to move on and heal. You dont deserve that crap and it really makes me angry that "THEY" can do this to their families. Im sooo sorry Jim, but thank God for small towns where news travels fast. Your an AMAZING person and MOST of us know this.Too bad PEG AND THIS GUY DONT !!!! Pegs loss is another womens tresure. TOO BAD IM MARRIED :( !!! SOME OF US KNOW MARRIAGE IS A SACRED THING, YOU DONT CHEAT, LIE OR COMMIT ADULTRY. Get divorced before you sleep in another mans bed !!! Sorry Jim im pissed at these people now.
I think his wife should just leave Durango. How sad. I am sorry Jim but I bet you get a lot of " I told you so's " in here now. Makes me feel dirty and disgusted. How pathetic.
Sounds like those two are a match made in heaven. Or hell! Good luck Jim. Now you can move on buddy.
Jim,
I am so sorry, but now you truly can move on and getting to know you has been amazing. You are a true gift and this is horrible but you are so strong. Always here to listen.
Whats all this about?????
Mickey C
Okay - I am asking one last time and then I am going to take all comments off of here. I have to work and don't have time to go through and do that, but PLEASE do not talk badly about me or my wife. SHE IS MY WIFE UNTIL A JUDGE TELLS ME OTHERWISE. Yes that is hard to say and a hard pill to swallow. I write because I love it and I appreciate the support, but losing her is hard enough. If you want to comment with negative stuff, please don't even email it anymore. I can't deal with it and I need to focus my energies on her and I and where this road is taking us. Negative, snide remarks hurt her and to be quite honest, they hurt me and send me backwards. Please scroll up and read this again if you need clarification on where I stand. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I know today that there are two people hurting..TWO PEOPLE. I stand by her even now and I won't let this continue. Please don't make me delete my blog or stop writing. Please stop !!! I am emailing this to several of you repeat offenders. Just know that I appreciate you as friends but this is hard enough.
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