Going Solo

Every journey begins with the realization that you don’t want to be where you are. Be it through suffering, be it through pain, be it through unhappiness, or discontentment, you feel the need to venture forth. Sometimes the choice is made for you and you are faced with a vast landscape unknown to you. The blank canvas before you can prove to be daunting, or exciting. Only you can define that which you walk into. Your feet as the brush are to the painter, an extension of what is inside. They take you to the final destination. The paints are all the variables around you, some of which can be mixed to create new variables, new opportunities. The journey begins with something right? That first step? Nah – too cliché’. Sometimes you care not to walk off into the new canvas but you suddenly realize you are left standing there alone. Standing solo with a vast uncharted world before you. Like the early explorers you know not what you face. Like an orphan you are left with emptiness so colossal that every thought seems abandoned in a fog that covers all the internal peaks in your heart. Like snow covering the colors of fall, you feel cold and lost. Before you lay a trial for which you have no defense. You simply walk forward onto this canvas, brush in hand, surrounded by colors, or possibilities, if you will.

The first step of any big climb is always full of anticipation, excitement, and fear. When you are abruptly faced with an unsuspected climb, you have to take a moment to regroup. Often times while I have been climbing, I see a ridge, a summit, or a bump that I suspect may be the top. The feeling of elation takes over and you suddenly are overwhelmed with hope. Hope that what you set out after is there, right in front of you. You speed up; your gait is lightened and quickened. Then you reach that ridge and realize it was a false summit. You still have a ways to go before reaching the peak. It is at this point when you think all is good, and it turns out that it is not, that you must reassess and look at the unplanned climb before you. You could give up and head back, as many do, but you are a fighter. You are wise enough to always have left a little in reserves. You are thirsty and drink in all around you. You sense the cool mountain air blowing up the ridge before you, the sound of the breeze whispering through the pine trees. You drink it all in. In utter awe that what could be seen as such a bad thing has now turned into such a beautiful thing. The future is yours. The canvas is your world, you are the artist. You have made the choice to push on and see the goodness before you and around you. Your false summit has now turned into an extension of the journey you set out on. You have more time to enjoy this life you have been gifted. God speaks to you up here, you listen intently.

When starting off on a solo climb, you tend to become more centered. You become more grounded, but only figuratively. You are free and there is only you and the world. The canvas is before you and you are the master of your own destiny. You have prepared as best you can, however you did not expect the false summits and new challenges you face. You push forward, not looking back. You put your head into the wind. The chilling breeze penetrates through the layers you have surrounded yourself with. These layers were there to protect you from such violations, yet they still find a way through, robbing you of the warmth within. Like demons in the night, the biting wind is ever present, ever merciless. You zip up tighter, bite your lip, and push on. As you gain altitude, closer to God, the air grows thinner yet richer. Richer with life and the abundant calmness that lets you know you are close. You are closer to heaven than most men dare to be. You are alone but you feel surrounded by so much. Like the orphan, you are full of life, full of opportunity, and still you are without direction, without support. No life compass- only your canvas before you and your brush to guide you. Your climb through these peaks and valleys has always been full of false summits, false hopes, shattered dreams, and disappointment. The optimist in you sees those things as simple challenges that you have overcome with grace. Here you are once again, the world before you, much of it below you, and it is yours! You continue higher and the summit is near. Unlike the false summits, this one is real, tangible, and within reach. You are above the clouds, walking on God’s doorstep.

You reach the top calmly and full of life. As you look around, you realize that this is just one of many summits. There are so many peaks and valleys before you. The journey will not be easy, but there is so much to see, so much to experience. You feel a peace for which only one who has made such a journey can understand. You are above the clouds and in the realm of those with wings. You are solo, but you are surrounded by so much that is good, so much love, and so much kindness. You are at peace and you are at home.