As I ascend
I feel my worries, life's challenges, and the stress fall away into the
slipstream of my movement. In that space I am free. Within the fear and sensory
overload I find a calmness and clarity I find nowhere else. When dancing with gravity, flowing over stone
or ice, I am boundless and free beyond words.
All of the logical senses slowly fall away into that slipstream of my
ascent. All sensible logic would tell me
to move down, to descend, and yet something deeper calls me to ascend. I’m in a land of paradoxical sensations and
conflicting logic. I’m never as free as
I am when climbing, never so grounded, and yet never so uplifted and elated. To express the euphoria in that space seems
so futile, and yet I feel the need to at least try, if not for my own sake than
for my children’s sake so that someday they may look upon my life, my drive, my
adventures, and hopefully find a little needed fuel to stoke their fire(s)
whatever they may become.
It is not
only this solo space, these remarkable sensations, or this selfish drive that pulls
me higher into this realm. It’s the
people I meet, the friends I make, the unbreakable bonds, and the unspoken
truth that we find in this life as climbers.
Preconceived notions, assumptions, judgment, and unwarranted criticism all
matter so little (if at all) when we practice our art. From the lifelong friends and bonds I’ve
made, to the completely ironic encounters this climbing life brings me, I know
am right where I am supposed to be. I
have found the source of my drive and the inspiration to chase my dreams. I’ve met so many on this journey over the
last 18 years; fellow gravity slayers chasing these sensations across the globe,
living in, and for the moment. Meeting
and becoming close to the soul of another who is truly immersed into the life
of being a climber is second to none other.
There’s an inherent ability within these kindred souls to just get
through it, to push beyond what they think possible, to just ascend through the
muck and murky waters of life onto another place where that freedom rings so
loudly. I’ve made so many friends in
this vertical life, and said my final goodbye to many of them as they’ve lost
their battles in life, and always I find myself turning to climbing when my
life runs amuck and my senses become disheveled. It’s a space and a lifestyle where only you
can define your success and only you are the master of your destiny.
The only other lifestyle I’ve experienced
that comes even close is the life of a surfer.
I find more diversity and camaraderie within these two lifestyles and
yet the climbing life seems to have found its way to the forefront of my heart
once again. It seems when life throws me
a curveball, or when my life seems to fall to pieces, I turn to the vertical in
order to process and get through. It has
become so much more than just pushing oneself and overcoming these sense
floating in contradiction, it’s a place where I find the type of people who
will not let me hold on too long to those that hold me down. Who will hold me
fast (on belay) and spot me as I make whatever climb I face in life. Such is
the metaphor of climbing and life. Only
within this world can I randomly find the much needed solitude to just be
within my own thoughts and feelings, but I can feel the companionship at the other
end of a nylon rope in this same span.
Within a community of climbers there’s diversity so full of vibrant
smiles and a fellowship so full of caring and giving that I often wonder how it
is that climbing can be seen as such a “selfish” and “solo” activity. While I am alone on some distant face, I am
truly alone and in a beautiful solitude and yet within the community of
climbers I am surrounded by like minded, driven, and adventurous spirits. There’s no other place I’d rather be in times
of crisis, times of happiness, or any other of the multitude of places our
lives take us.
Climbing seems to be the one place I go to in
order to seek and find all that I am, all that life has to offer. No other passion has driven me to find so
much within myself. No other source has
given me so much and made me the man, father, and friend I am today. Climbing has continually saved my life and
defined my life. I’ve found some
remarkable relationships within the scope of this life I live. From within the confines of gravity and altitude
I’ve been fortunate enough to forge unbreakable bonds with so many. I’m so grateful for this life, for this world,
and for this lifestyle I have chosen and once again find myself FULLY immersed
within. Where else can you make these
bonds so full of adrenaline, risk, reward, and grace? I was recently reminded of the power of ascension
and the healing that we find in this place.
Randomly I met a wonderful person standing along a road at the local ice
climbing festival. Adorned with a
cane/crutch and a fox tail dangling from her rear…how could I NOT stop and say
hello. Little did I know the bond we’d
instantly share had begun to take shape years ago as we both battled our way
back from very similar climbing injuries.
I’d stand with her on that day and talk endlessly, seamlessly, and
effortlessly. It’s rare to find someone
who just gets it, the pain of a life changing injury caused by a passion you
love so deeply, and even more so one who sees the path back from the darkness only
within the exact path you took descending into that darkness. When climbing nearly costs you everything, it’s
often the only thing that can give it all back.
I stood there last night belaying
her as she tied in and boldly, valiantly, and courageously took the “sharp end”
and led a route for the first time since her injury. As we tie into our climbing partner it is so
much more than merely keeping them safe, belaying them as they ascend, the bond
is much deeper, inexplicable, and beyond all else it is a timeless expression
telling that other person “I’ve got your back..I understand the challenge you
are about to face…I’m with you.” This is
the reasoning in the risk, the reward. The smile on her face and the slight welling
in her eyes as she touched down after that successful ascent told me all I
needed to know….THIS IS WHY WE CLIMB. To
watched her fears fall into the slipstream of her ascent was nothing short of
an honor..nothing short of the “why” in climbing. The paradox lies only within trying to
explain all of this to others.
