Life Emerging

How often have you wondered about the past? Past friends, relationships, etc. If you are like the average person you likely find yourself reminiscing from time to time. When doing so I had often wondered about the friends who were (unbeknownst to them) so critical in the outcome of so many different facets of my life. We are all shaped by our past, whether we like to admit it or not. We grow up, grow apart, and move on. It seems rare that any of us make the minuscule effort needed to maintain contact with those who we share our youth. I too am guilty of such. However, there hasn't been many years in my life where I don't think back on those youthful memories and wonder what happened to those people. Did they find happiness? Did they have kids and get the opportunity to experience what life is REALLY about? Did they get to watch their kids grow and relive their childhood? Did they struggle through hard times like I did? Did they "keep it in the family" by marrying one of "our" little circle? Did they stay in touch with one another? Did they even survive this long? All these questions have seeped into my mind occasionally. It is usually just a fleeting moment where I am reminded of someone. Sometimes I can be walking down the street and something just triggers that memory. For most, it all remains just that, a memory. We are taught not to "live in the past" yet we all seem to hold those memories close to our hearts. They come flooding back to me in times when I seem to be at a low point. Granted, I am fortunate that this doesn't happen often. I have had a pretty damn good life. I do keep stock of my life and what it has amounted too. I try not to end up on auto pilot and forget my roots. I have always tried to keep memories alive. They have made me who I am, yet my life is just as busy as the next guy's and I don't have all day to sit and think about those people in my past.

My history has served me well. I think I turned out alright. There have been lots of hard times and even more good ones. I DO think of old friends and always wished I had a way of finding them. The moment usually passes as quickly as it comes. Usually life brings me back to reality, be it the kids, work , etc, etc. I have always had another escape: that is climbing. Nothing sets you free (at least for me) like being hundreds of feet above the ground with only a 9.4 mm nylon rope and some hardware keeping you from becoming gravity's bastard. You feel the blood run through your veins, your senses are on fire. You can feel every grain of dirt under your skin, and your heartbeat is downright audible.

When that "high" is suddenly taken from you in one fell swipe (or fall), your mind just can't seem to process what has happened. You end up in a "funk". You long for that feeling, yet you know nothing can replace it. I have sat for almost 3 months now, wondering what I can do to find that lift again. That happy feeling. The truth is, nothing will ever replace 15 years of climbing and the memories it has given me. The strength, both inward and outward, that I have been given. The confidence. But I was recently given one hell of a boost. Within a week I was contacted (or I contacted) some old friends. Friends who shaped my life and helped to make me who I am today. These are the friends we never forget and always wonder about. Suddenly in my time of despair, they began to emerge from a world so far, yet still so close. I can't explain the timing nor would I try, but it couldn't have happened at a better time. These aren't just regular old friends. These are TRUE friends who have taken a part in a rescue of a fallen soul. Friends who used to make me laugh (Rob-the dude is still smiling), who stood by my side no matter what (Chas, Mick, Misty) who I looked up to (Kai, Bill, Brad-this dude can still throw down) and ones who engulfed a heart so young (Heather, Malania) and those who were always a foundation for me to rely on (Joe, Iman twins).

It's crazy that these particular people would fall into my life shortly after a fall that devastated my world. Nothing could ever replace (nor will it until I return to that life) the life I had 3 months ago, but then again, nothing could ever replace these people. There is not one amongst them who I have not wondered about over the last 20 years. I hope that the evolving cyber reunion will turn into friendships that will last as long as the void (20+ years) as well as the opportunity for some of them to benefit in some small way...like I have. One of the greatest joys of this emergence of friends, is seeing their smiling faces and knowing that they are happy. Knowing they have found their own "higher ground". I am grateful to all of them for so many reasons. It wasn't just wasted youth that we shared. Obviously there was more. But I guess you had to be there.